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Millionaires with a Year Ten Education

Sunday, April 10, 2005

AFL Players to Get Free Priority Taxis

Some local cab company has had a brainwave: let's make sure AFL players get first priority for taxi cabs when they're out on the turps. Young, cashed up and under-educated footballers are already feted like heroes in this town. The resulting attitude problem is responsible for countless acts of violence such as rape and bashings. How will putting them further on a pedestal help this serious issue?

According to Yellow Cabs:

We think the public interest is best served by getting these role models off the street and into cabs quickly rather than them standing around getting baited and approached. (The Herald-Sun, 8/4/2005)

More importantly, what kind of role models can't be trusted to be out on the streets at night? Even the chief executive of the club in question doubts the ability of his young charges to behave, well, normally:

Perhaps we can take some of the temptation or the dangers of irresponsible thinking out of the players' grasp and push them towards a much more socially acceptable and obviously safer alternative. (The Herald-Sun, 8/4/2005)

I'd support this idea if the taxi cab service was "non-discretionary". That way, members of the public could call them in to promptly remove any AFL player who looked like he was about to kick off a drug and alcohol-fuelled spree.

I for one will not be using the Yellow Cabs any more. Not only will I have to wait longer for a cab so that some footy player can make his getaway from a street-brawl AND help subsidise millionaires' fares, but I'll have an increased risk of sitting in vomit, blood or semen - or risking a needle-stick injury. Yellow Cabs, you can keep your late, pricey, germy, risky service, thanks very much!

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  • Hey now, don’t be so harsh on Yellow Cabs.

    They’re just trying to be responsible.

    As they said, Yellow Cabs don’t want footballers “standing around getting baited and approached” late at night.


    See, you’ve got to remember that we’re not talking about intelligent, emotionally mature, morally sound, respectful and respectable human beings, who, as adults, can fend for themselves.

    No, we’re talking about footballers.

    And they simply MUST be protected late at night from, you know, the evil media that’s always out to get them, belligerent opposition supporters, and, of course, “predatory women”. (And remember, as Sam Newman has warned us, ALL women are predatory women – always lying and scheming, falsely alleging rape against footballers in an attempt to bring down elite male sports, and ultimately enslave MANkind and attain world domination.)


    Do you understand now just how hard it is to kick a football for a living?!

    While they’ve already got plenty of respect, footballers ALSO need all the sympathy and understanding in the world.

    Maybe you can’t appreciate that, but at least Yellow Cabs can.

    And that is why, late at night, they will be there to protect footballers from the media, opposition supporters and especially women. Because, Yellow Cabs SYMPATHISE with footballers and UNDERSTAND that it is ALWAYS these factors – and these factors ALONE – that are to blame for late night player misconduct!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:20 pm, April 16, 2005  

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