Piss Weak: Footballers and Urine

With the recent spate of public urination by AFL footballers leaving our cities piss-soaked and and fetid, it's timely to consider the rich history of pissing in footy - and what it has to tell us about darker psychological disturbance of its practitioners.

The current bout was kicked off by Carlton's "troubled" knuckle-head, Brendan Fevola. It seems his ongoing problems with alcohol manifested itself in a late-night piss on Prahran hotspot Candy Bar. Below is the CC TV footage, care of our friends Channel 7:

Apart from the security video itself, the disturbing allegations in this clip include:

• When challenged by a bar tender, Fevola asked him what his problem is! (Dude, you're pissing in public on someone else's shop.)


• When confronted after training, he denied the incident had taken place saying he doubted it "very much". (Despite existence of said security footage.)


• When asked by the bar tender if how he'd feel if someone did it to his business, he replied that he wouldn't mind.

Coincidentally, Fevola has a stake in a restaurant, Fellini's, just a few hundred metres away at 158 Toorak Rd, in South Yarra. (Get off at South Yarra station.) While I'd be curious to see Fevola's reaction to someone pissing on or near his business, in the interests of his wife, restaurateur Alex Fevola, I'd suggest not. After all, that poor woman has suffered enough being married to this idiot, putting up with his moronic actions, violence, infidelities etc to secure funding to start the business. So for her sake, please don't urinate on his restaurant.

The response from Carlton for this transgression from one of its *snigger* "leadership group"? No suspension. A fine amounting to a week's pay. Yet another "one more chance". (What is that Fev? Five or six last chances now? I wonder if his missus has given him that many.)

Given this piss-weak piece of theatrics in lieu of a substantive deterrence, it's not surprising that another player quickly followed suit. This time, Richmond's captain Kane Johnson brought disgrace by getting his cock out in public and having a good spray. Unfortunately for him, he chose to unload on the St Kilda Rd Police Complex. Unlike Fevola, he was apprehended by the police and is now facing charges. Bizarrely, Johnson - with his solid off-field reputation - quickly sanctioned himself by imposing a one match ban on himself. The club accepted his offer (plus a $5,000 penalty).

In a reversal of the normal order of events, I reckon this shows some promise. Credit where it's due I say, and at least Johnson has taken some personal responsibility, is fronting up to the courts and his club will wear the damage for this atrocious lapse in judgement, civility and decorum through his absence this weekend. It just throws into sharp relief the dangerous and selfish stance taken by Carlton over their repeat offender Brendan Fevola.

It should hardly come as a surprise to hear that AFL footballers enjoy splashing their piss about. Remember that pest Heath Black during his 2006 Christmas blow out? He copped a charge and guilty plea for pissing out the front of Fremantle's famed Little Creatures breweries. No doubt dozens or hundreds of other footballers do it regularly and get away with it. It's easy to dismiss this as "boys will be boys" and other apologetics.

But what of the darker side of the practice? AFL footballers had a disturbing little tradition going just a couple of years ago whereby they would literally urinate on women in nightclubs or bars in order to "mark" them of being interest to them. This "marking their territory" practice was reasonably widespread and various reports of it were covered in the mainstream media. And let's not forget a certain Fraser Gehrig and his urine splashing efforts with a young lady at a bar. Nor a rookie, Simon O'Keefe, who explained how his club booked a stripper for a "tag team" encounter and then other players offered her an extra $50 to urinate on her with another $50 to defecate on her.

Why would men want to get together in a group and piss and shit on a woman? There are no nice reasonable explanations for this. Simply put, the footballer selection process, reinforced practices and resulting warped culture ensure that power, dominance and humiliation are the key currencies. In their minds, urinating (and even defecation) are tools to achieve that end. Certainly, Fevola's arrogant and threatening remarks when challenged show up the mindset. And this "marking" women with piss in bars business? Only a caveman morality could inspire that urge, yet alone grant licence to act on it.

In light of this appalling and continuing problem, here at The Speccy we've got the answer. Past experience suggests that there's one thing guaranteed to dry up an AFL footballer quick smart: drug testing. That's right, urine tests looking for traces of ecstasy, meth and cocaine cause all sorts of problems for players. (Remember that Hawthorn player who "couldn't" provide a sample last year when selected, so the lightweight testers just picked another player?) After hearing about the seven out of eight positives from the Brownlow toilets and the ease of dodging the watered-down official tests, we like the odds.

So we're introducing a piss bounty system. We'll gladly pay anyone an easy $100 for every AFL footballer urine sample that is turned up. Whether it's from a bar, nightclub, police station, your own clothes or a sex worker, we'll pay for the sample. We only have two provisos:

• You must provide provenance (ie chain of evidence of origin) for the sample to a level that will stand up in court.


• It must be presented in a form and state that allows rigorous scientific testing for illicit drugs.

We'll take any currently-listed player's piss and pay you $100. Hell, we'll even pay $200 for a sample from Hawthorn's Lance "Buddy" Franklin. If you're interested, use the comment link below to get in touch.

We reckon it will only take one or two of those liberally applied unscheduled late-night samples from AFL players ending up in the lab (and then straight to the media) to staunch the flow in public. Some guy with a test-tube loitering around might just make those dickheads think twice about ensuring their urine is discreetly and safely dispensed.

*** UPDATE ***
I dunno what he's been drinking now, but the loose talk is that Brendan Fevola is off the piss for good. And the punt. Sort of. His well-publicised problems with alcohol (and, to a lesser extent, gambling) will be tackled through counselling, according to The Herald-Sun. Apparently, he won't be drinking during the season and is sworn off the club's end-of-season binges.

Well, good luck to him, I say. While I'm highly sceptical that he'll manage to keep this up given his $500,000 salary and piss-head workmates, getting counselling and going public with his attempt are good first steps.

So, in that same spirit of support and encouragement, if you happen to catch Fev sinking a few during the season, email in your photos so we can publish them here. I'm sure he'd thank us both, eventually.

*** UPDATE ***
Right, well Brendan Fevola's dabble with temperance lasted not much more than a month. After being busted on the turps at the Casino, Fev fell off the wagon again at South Melbourne's Star Bar last weekend. The Age also reported today that he was seen chugging back on beers at the Fenech/Nelson boxing match (along with Mick Gatto, Shane Warne, Kyle Sandilands and other undesirables). Anyone reckon he was on the punt too?

Of course, he's had a good run on the field and is now telling Carlton to piss off about putting special no-scandal clauses on his rumoured $1.75M contract. Carlton allegedly retaliated by offering him an extra $100K if he doesn't generate a scandal. That sure sends a powerful signal of impotence. Looks like the Malthouse Doctrine is alive and well.

*** UPDATE ***

The Mad Monday celebrations have been and gone. And, from the look of this image, it seems that Brendan Fevola is still off the wagon:


Fevola in Nighty with Comedy Dildo Prop
Source: Herald-Sun

Must be a laugh a minute heading out with these witty japesters.

Word Count: 1069

Tags: footy, spoilt_rotten

Cousins Returns To Form

In a brilliant return to form, Australia's greatest human being Ben Cousins has astounded his fans and devastated his critics by going from strength to strength without even breaking his stride. This glittering prize of a man is unstoppable and should, by all rights, be revered as a god. Thankfully, that process is already in train.

We pick up the story after he mysteriously absented himself on his life-saving trip to LA for celebrity-style resort rehab. One of the two blonde ladies in the sports car who picked him up at the airport (Susie Ela, member of Ben's "LA newtork") made a 5am emergency call to 911 on behalf of Cousins. She confirmed he had been on a cocaine bender for the past five days and was "not acting right". He had fried his brain with coke and was, reportedly, in bad shape mentally when he was whisked away to hospital via ambulance.

Whereas a mere mortal might have doubts at putting their own Dad in the invidious position of telling porkies to the media, Cousins just bounced right back. Right back into a $1500 suit that he picked up at Bridge Rd, Richmond. How do we know? Because Ben's suit purchase was front page news in Melbourne. He was mobbed by adoring fans in the street, mobiles held aloft like talismans, eager for a bit of that celebrity power to wash over them and validate their own dubious shopping choices. (How long until we get the inevitable poorly-pixelated image of Cousins getting out of his car while "going commando"?)

Ben Cousins Turns Bridge Road into Rodeo Drive
Source: The Age

Oh, there was the minor matter of the AFL Commission meeting, where he was suspended from the game for 12 months. Sort of. Something about bringing the game into disrepute? But, honestly, no biggie. He can continue to play for state-based second tier AFL-affiliated clubs, like East Fremantle, under a peculiar technicality. The Western Australian police were forced to drop their drug charges against him, on a technicality. (Apparently, the same officer who arrested him had to ask him to do the test, not another officer. Or something.) Hell, the cops even apologised! Brilliant.

Now, it looks like the US police are not going to pursue unwelcome criminal matters against Cousins either, despite his heroic cocaine binge. It was always going to be shaky if they would chase down a wealthy white man for taking cocaine in Los Angeles, even one who had "fallen afoul of the law". Luckily, Cousins is neither poor nor black. No word yet on an apology from the American detectives, but I doubt Benny's holding his breath.

So it's all going pretty well for Ben Cousins. Sure, his career's stalled a bit, there was that brief ambulance ride and some minor traffic matters have been cleared up. Apart from that, he's on top of the world. His plan is to sit out 2008 in a state league (probably in Victoria). There's also serious talk of a modelling career (a mere $150K per annum, but still, that'd almost cover his reported $3K/week drug habit). And why not? He's spawned a whole industry of "Such Is Life" T-shirts, featuring his distinctive bogan gut-tattoo. (And, perplexingly, a commemorative tawny port.)


Cousins inspiring the stencil art scene.
Source: NineMSN

Ben Cousin's popularity is going ahead in leaps and bounds. This is no more apparent than in cyberspace, where the yoof are rising up as one voice and saying "Bennnnnny .... you ROCK maaaaaate!!!!!!"

Facebook, for example, has many Ben Cousins groups, with names like "Ben Cousins for Prime Minister", "I Wanna Party With Ben Cousins" (17,000 members), "I Buy All My Drugs Off Ben Cousins" (3,000 members), "Who Gives a Toss if Ben Cousins is a Junkie - He's a Bloody Hottie!". And so on, for about 190 groups. To be fair, a very small number are taking the piss. And even fewer are openly hostile to him. But the vast bulk seems to be "Ben is fun and I want to be as near/like/inside him as I can."

And good ol' Ben has been putting his popularity with the youngsters to work. He's been sighted hanging out at the Gold Coast for the Schoolies Week. Sadly, he seems to be enjoying the company of the younger people there. An older man - 30 soon - hanging out with girls who have just finished high school is known as a "Toolie". According to this Victorian government website, schoolies need to be wary of toolies. In this case, sexual assault and violence are lower-order concerns. Check this video of Ben Cousins snorting, well, something off the table with his new friends:



What a swell guy. Rehab? Contrition? Remorse? Responsibility? Consequences? Bah. His talent has seen him rise to the top of the AFL footy. That same culture saw him sheltered, protected and never having to face up to reality. His club turned a blind eye to his antics. Medical rehab's been a useless washout. The legal system had a go but has bowed out with a bloody nose. The politicians that spoke up have been voted out. For how long can his family keep up their support? Egged on by celebrity attendees and his online cheer squad, Cousins is completely unshackled and unhinged.

Eventually, Ben's going to need real friends, not colleagues or minders or coke-buddies or people who shout "we love you Benny - whoooohooo!" out of passing cars. Let's hope he's got some left.

Word Count: 952

Tags: footy, spoilt_rotten,, drugs,, sleaze

Footbrawlers Get Away With Pub Assault

In a disgusting breach of community decency, three violent professional footballers avoided any serious sanction for their role in a St Kilda pub brawl. Sadly, such jaw-dropping leniency is all too familiar to the citizens of Melbourne, enduring a state of permanent siege under the swaggering AFL players who own this town. This ruling will only further reinforce the notion that, in Melbourne at least, footballers are beyond judicial rebuke.

This case centres around the events of the 2006 Grand Final Eve (28th of September), involving a number of past and present players from the Brisbane Lions and St Kilda. The players charged were Fraser Gehrig, Michael Voss, Steven Lawrence, while Craig McCrae and Craig Lambert escaped any charges at all.

We've been tracking this case closely, as shown by this time-line:

• (2/10/2006) Initial reports emerged of the attack.


• (6/6/2007) Detectives finally get around to interviewing the accused, some nine months late. (The possibility that they were waiting for the depths of a Melbourne winter before flying to sunny Brisbane is raised.)


• (7/6/2007) Players are formally charged.


• (13/7/2007) A trial is under way and security video footage of the parts of the assault are leaked to broadcasters (see below).


• (30/8/2007) While the criminal trial is under way, a civil case (law suit) is launched by the victims.

We now come to the final series of criminal judgments against these three men. Let's recap the allegations against them on that fateful night in the Prince of Wales Hotel:

Jarrod Rouse, 27, said his girlfriend Jacqueline [Cameron] was subjected to lewd comments and gestures.

"They were being sleazy. We all said we didn't want any trouble," Mr Rouse said.

He said [Steven] Lawrence, who plays for Port Melbourne, made a threatening gesture with a pool cue as they sat at their table.

Mr Rouse, who admitted he was drunk, said Jacqueline then pushed the cue back at the former St Kilda player.

"It escalated from there. I was just there trying to protect my girl," he said.

Mr Rouse said fighting broke out, during which he wrestled with [Fraser] Gehrig and was struck by others.

Jacqueline said: "There were four or five people kicking my boyfriend."

Mr Rouse's friend Jules [Julius Smith] said he was punched and knocked out after the violence spilled outside.

Jules said he remembered little after the initial angry words.

"I remember the bloke putting the the pool cue in Jacqueline's face. I must have been king-hit pretty soon after that. I was out cold," he said.

Mr Rouse said he had spoken to police. (The Herald-Sun, 29/9/2006)

Other sources:

"I found myself on the ground being attacked, being stomped, being kicked," [Rouse] told Ten News. (The Australian, 29/9/2006)

And this:

Ms Cameron told Channel 7 News last night ... "I pushed it back onto him. They pulled down my dress at some point. They pulled the button off Jarrod's pants and tried to pull his pants down," Ms Cameron said. (The Age, 29/9/2006)

It seems like a pretty standard Melbourne night spot scenario: a group of cocky AFL players spend all day drinking. For sport, they harass a local young woman, because, well, because they can. Usually, Melburnians just have to suck it up. In this instance, the girlfriend responds and the boyfriend's been drinking. Both seem not to understand the rules. Pushing and shoving breaks out and the footballers, by virtue of their propensity to fight in numbers, attack women, king hit, kick people on the ground and generally act atrociously, soundly beat various people up.

Thanks to the magic of YouTube, we can see some of this behaviour in full-flight. Check out the security footage. I, for one, never get sick of seeing a 100 kg millionaire push a slight young woman to the ground. What a champion:



A disgusting display of cowardice and ugliness. Thankfully, a few guilty pleas might see some convictions finally get recorded against this pack of hate-filled morons, right? Might send a powerful signal that they're bound by the same law as everyone else, and their size and money means naught. Right?

There's a reason why the Melbourne Magistrates Court has an AFL division. It's not just to handle the huge workloads resulting from the league. Here's how Deputy Chief Magistrate Paul Smith doled out justice in this instance:

Michael Voss and Simon Black

Both escaped conviction despite pleading guilty to assault charges, and were put into a "diversion" program. They also have to do some volunteer work with arbias, a group that deals with "alcohol-related brain injury". (An area with which these two knobs have direct experience.)


Simon Black (right) and Michael Voss (left) Escape Conviction for Brawl
Source: The Age

Black, 28, acted during "10 seconds of madness" when he kicked a bar patron, while Voss, 32, played a lesser role in the violent altercation, Melbourne Magistrates' Court heard.

...

Both Brisbane premiership players had been charged with one count of unlawful assault while a count of recklessly causing injury against Black was withdrawn.

...

The fight continued in the street outside where Voss, who says he was kicked, struck [Jarrod] Rouse with an open hand. Black kicked Rouse as he lay on the ground wrestling with Voss.

Mr Smith immediately agreed to put Voss through the diversion program, but asked for submissions from Black's lawyer, saying his role was more significant.

...

"He is regarded as a leading light so far as the Brisbane Lions Football Club is concerned," [Defence lawyer Michael Bosscher] said.

Mr Smith agreed to put Black on diversion. (Herald-Sun, 3/10/2007)

Staggering, isn't it? Let's see how the others fared.

Fraser Gehrig

Gehrig also pleaded guilty to his assault-related charges and applied for this same "diversionary program" as his co-accused:


Fraser Gehrig Escapes Conviction for Brawl
Source: Herald-Sun

Gehrig faced one count each on charges of unlawful assault and common assault.

Police today withdrew the more serious charge of unlawful assault before Mr Smith granted Gehrig's application.

...

"It looks to me that the assault relates to Jacqueline Cameron. Mr Rouse's girlfriend struck Mr Gehrig and struck [him] in the back.

"[Gehrig] then pushed her to the upper body with both hands and that caused her to fall to the ground."

Gehrig's lawyer, Marita Altman, told Mr Smith her client had instinctively pushed Ms Cameron after being assaulted from behind.

"He shouldn't have pushed her at all," Mr Smith said. He then asked Gehrig whether he took responsibility for the assault on Ms Cameron, to which Gehrig replied: "Yes".

...

In granting Gehrig's application, Mr Smith said two significant things in the case had changed.

"The first is Mr Gehrig faces a charge of common assault and a second, his codefendants [Voss and Black], who both played a greater role in the melee, have both been diverted."

Given that Voss and Black played a greater role, it would be unfair to impose a harsher penalty on Gehrig, Mr Smith said.

He described Gehrig as "a man of good character" and the assault as "a push only". (The Age, 4/10/2007)

Did you get that? It was "only" a push. Besides, the magistrate's earlier leniency (err, "judicial mercy"?) sort of forced him into a corner in this instance. He had to divert him too, otherwise it wouldn't be fair (to him).

So, Gehrig stone-cold got away with his part in the attack. Surely, then, Steven Lawrence will cop it in the neck?

Steven Lawrence

No conviction, no diversion and a $5,000 fine (less than a week's wages for the average AFL player):


Steven Lawrence Escapes Conviction for Brawl
Source: The Age

Lawrence, 31, of South Melbourne, pleaded guilty in Melbourne Magistrates' Court to one charge of intentionally causing injury over the incident at the Prince of Wales Hotel in St Kilda on September 29 last year.

Lawrence had been with a group of friends and fellow AFL players, including Brownlow medallists Michael Voss and Simon Black and St Kilda spearhead Fraser Gehrig, when the fight erupted.

The court heard Lawrence placed his hand on the victim, Julius Smith, then swung his fist at his head, causing him to fall to the ground unconscious.

Lawrence left the scene and refused to comment when shown footage of the incident during a police interview, the court was told.

...

[Lawrence's lawyer, Ian Hill QC] also argued a conviction could hinder his career prospects in property development.

While Magistrate Paul Smith said the incident was serious, he noted Lawrence's clean record, supportive character references and the fact a conviction could harm him professionally.

"Despite the fact this is a very serious offence, you've never done anything before or since," Mr Smith said.

He imposed a fine of $5,000 but said no conviction would be recorded. (The Age, 30/10/2007)

Geez. Like we need a property developer with a penchant for biffo!

So, these three hulking bullies kicked off a major brawl in a popular Melbourne pub by harassing a young woman, plead guilty, it's caught on tape and yet all escape conviction. A slap on the wrist and only minor inconvenience. Is anyone going to suffer sanction for this? You bet:

Jarrod Rouse

Yep, the victims. The one bloke without a top-flight expensive lawyer, huge fame and the resources of a media juggernaut like an AFL club backing him:

Last week Jarrod Rouse, 29, of Box Hill, was convicted and fined $2800 after pleading guilty to recklessly engaging in conduct that put others in danger of serious injury. (SMH, 2/10/2007)

No diversion program for you, son. Plus, an ordinary bloke from Box Hill will find it a lot tougher paying that fine than yet another footballer-cum-property developer. What a black day for justice in this city.

How can it happen? Clearly, this was not a jury trial. It was a lone experienced magistrate making a call on the evidence put before him. Before jumping to conclusions, let's review the sentencing history of Magistrate Paul Smith in regard to footballers. A brief search on Google turned up the following cases:

• (2006) Carlton's Heath Scotland strikes a young woman in the toilets at a nightclub. Magistrate Smith directs Scotland into the "diversionary program" without conviction on the grounds that (sounds familiar?) a conviction might harm his chances of becoming a fireman. Scotland later faces allegations of striking another woman outside a pub in Ballarat.


• (2006) Hawthorn's Campbell Brown put into "diversionary program" by Magistrate Smith following some unpleasantness at a 7-Eleven.


• (2004) Former Collingwood footballer Des Tuddenham blows .133 (his third such offence) and causes a traffic accident. Magistrate Smith suspends the jail sentence.


• (2002) Former Collingwood premiership ruckman Damian Monkhorst has escaped conviction for assaulting a 14 year-old boy at his country footy club - despite a guilty plea. Magistrate Smith was in the box seat.

These are all the cases I could find. Maybe there are instances of Mr Smith convicting current or former AFL players, but they're just not showing up in search engines. Now, I'm sure Mr Smith has far less qualms about convicting bloggers for contempt of court or similar charges. Or launching his own defamation action against me. So I have to be careful and state clearly: I do not believe - nor do I assert - that his rulings in this case are different from what we could expect from any other judicial officer. For example, County Court Judge John Barnett is more than capable of seeing that a vicious public brawl initiated by footballers doesn't inconvenience them too much. Hell, this blog is littered with stories of footballers' wrongdoings and dozens of court cases.

I must admit though, my initial thoughts on seeing this outcome is "How can the courts be so far out of step with community standards? Surely, Melbourne's Establishment isn't so parochial as to blackball people from their posh dinner parties just because they convicted popular footballers?".

But then it dawned on me: these are our community standards. Big, rich, famous young men simply don't need to bear the consequences for their actions. Their future career options are preserved. Sentencing "parity" is maintained (with other privileged footballers mind you, not mug punters off the street). They pay piddly inconsequential (for them) fines. They do "community work" that furthers their public profile. They have expensive QCs arguing their case in the Magistrates Courts. Professional publicists and image advisers are on tap. They get every opportunity, second chance, benefit of the doubt and break going.

No wonder they presume to own every venue in Melbourne. They can act rudely, even criminally, and they know the system will see them well looked after.

Citations: The Herald-Sun, 29/9/2006; The Australian, 29/9/2006; The Age, 29/9/2006; Herald-Sun, 3/10/2007; The Age, 4/10/2007; The Age, 30/10/2007; SMH, 2/10/2007

Word Count: 2124

Tags: footy, bashing, booze, court, spoilt_rotten

Pies in Police Shooting Scandal

It seems that everyone wants to impress our beloved footballers. Sadly, it's not just members of the Hell's Angels Motorcycle Club that believe a little gunplay will win the footy stars over: now it seems Victoria's police are using this same tried and true technique to suck up to their sporting heroes.

To say that Victoria Police enjoys a cosy relationship with AFL players is an understatement. It's not just the frequent and regular contact that police have with players in a professional capacity - it's the common interests and shared locker room cultures that gives police and footballers a special bond. Not to mention what they can do for each other.

Police are very accommodating of players. They will roar through traffic with lights and sirens to deliver a footballer (Saverio Rocca) to his son's birth - and then clumsily try to cover it up. This isn't an isolated incident - police are more than happy to ferry drunken footballers like David Johnson around in their own personal taxi service. Presumably, they get a buzz from having a player in the back seat. Police will also use "discretion" liberally when dealing with their favoured sons.

Sometimes, this cosiness crosses the line of decency, such as in the Heath Culpitt "missing rape evidence" scandal at Crown Casino. Victoria's top detective, Simon Overland, freshly imported from NSW, was clearly aghast at the favouritism displayed by local police to even the most obscure and talentless footballer:

Mr Overland admitted that while most police were not reluctant to investigate famous people, he could not discount the possibility that some officers "wouldn't be intimidated or wouldn't have other reasons for perhaps not pursuing allegations against high-profile people as vigorously as they might". (The Age, 10/02/05)

There have been other cases where footballer-friendly cops have "bulldozed" sex crime investigations, infuriating other police. Lord knows what other incidents have been mishandled, buried or simply not raised with police. After all, if the top detective has no confidence in his detectives, why should a rape or bashing victim?

Of course, all this cosiness takes on a far more sinister edge in light of the ongoing gangland violence and police corruption investigations in Victoria (eg Purana). It looks likely that corrupt police were involved in some of the killings. Certainly, corrupt police have been jailed for drug activities. Others have resigned under a cloud. Links between police and underworld figures are aired and - very gently - probed by the media. And let's not forget the extensive links between underworld figures and certain footballers (*cough* Ben Cousins *cough* Michael Gardiner *cough*).

Against this back drop of cosiness, special favours and corruption, we remember that Collingwood's Alan Didak formed a special bond with drug-dealing Hell's Angel Chris Hudson (now facing murder and firearms charges). This culminated in the so-called "Hell Ride" where Didak was taken from city stripclub Spearmint Rhino (where he was hanging out with footballers like Colin Syliva) to hang out at the Hell's Angels Melbourne chapter's fortress-compound in an outer-suburban industrial estate.

While it was never clear exactly who was trying to impress whom, it's clear that a mutual interest in speed played a role in the ugly courtship. Strippers too. And guns. Shots at the bar were (allegedly) followed by shots fired out of the car as they crossed the Bolte Bridge. More shots were (allegedly) fired later at a police car attempting to intercept the vehicle. While Didak was keeping quiet, the firing of guns in close proximity clearly left an impression on him. Sadly, just a few days later, Hudson went off the deep end and (allegedly) beat up one stripper, killed another stripper and a passer-by who tried to help her, and wounded another brave interloper.

How insensitive then, for Victoria's police to invite Alan Didak and the rest of the Collingwood Football Club to come down to their heavily-fortified suburban compound and blaze away with guns. Presumably miffed at being upstaged by the underworld, Victoria Police thought they could up the ante a little and woo the footballers back by letting footballers loose on the firing range:

A spokesman for the office confirmed last night that a complaint about members of an AFL club was being examined.

The complaint alleges that those involved falsely signed affidavits that they were intending to join a gun club - a condition of entry to the rifle range at the Victoria Police academy at Glen Waverley.

Channel Nine last night named Collingwood as the club involved. It was also reported last night that retiring captain Nathan Buckley and coach Mick Malthouse were among those who attended the range. (The Age, 11/10/2007)

The Office of Police Integrity - widely panned as a comparatively toothless tiger and enduring constant restructuring - will be looking into the matter. Falsifying an affidavit is a serious offence. Of more concern is the lapse in judgement by senior figures within Collingwood and the police. Why on Earth would police think that inviting the boys from a footy club down to shoot guns on their firing range would be an appropriate use of taxpayer resources? Let's face it: over the next few years the Collingwood Football Club is likely to remain an important source of work for the police. Is it appropriate that they socialise like this? And - as with underworld relationships - just who is doing the impressing here?

The OPI will also examine if people who fire weapons, even under supervision, require shooting licences.

The Herald Sun said the visit was approved by “very senior” police.

Magpies CEO Gary Pert confirmed players visited the shooting range at the police academy in Glen Waverley as part of a leadership program with the force. (Herald-Sun, 11/10/2007)

Oh dear. It seems this wasn't a bonding day for the Magpies, but a reward for senior police. I am ashamed that the police force that is meant "to uphold the right" is prostituting itself by enticing footballers - many of them with underworld contacts and criminal histories - with the prospect of gunplay. Our police are so desperate to bathe in the reflected glory of their teenaged heroes that they offer up their firing range as a lure, determined to outbid the bikie gangs.

At the very least, there's a prima facie case that our police have a) too much money b) not enough nous about how to spend it. Remember, this wasn't a spontaneous act of stupidity by 21 year-old cops and footballers; this was sanctioned at the highest level of both organisations and displays a disregard by senior police for the resources entrusted to them and concern for their judgement involving community sensitivities.

That young police recruits should be exposed to the wink-wink culture of protecting feted AFL sporting stars is disappointing. That police and Collingwood would overlook the club's connection to a shooting incident that horrified the nation is puzzling. That our police - well-paid and resourced as they are - should resort to gunplay to fawn over and pander to footballers is, sadly, entirely in keeping with this town's social hierarchy.

Citations: The Age, 11/10/2007; Herald-Sun, 11/10/2007

Word Count: 1197

Tags: footy, scandals, underworld, spoilt_rotten

Footy Mum Speaks Out

The competency of AFL clubs in nurturing players has been put under scrutiny by one player's mother. Faced with accusations of putting their interests ahead of the young men plucked from obscurity, club and union officials have hit back. But is the debate denying the players' own culpability, and what responsibility should the wider community shoulder?

In light of the recent player betting scandal unfolding across the AFL, Yvonne Hale (mother of noted punter David Hale) has spoken out to The Age. Respected footy journalist Caroline Wilson has kicked off a debate about the "malaise" affecting many AFL players with too much "down-time". While such a spirited defence of her son is to be expected, we shouldn't be under any illusions that clubs - as self-interested businesses - are poorly placed to act in locus parentis.

Yvonnne Hale's specific complaints about the clubs' behaviour are no doubt well-founded:

She said her son was not a problem gambler but had been "hung out to dry", the victim of a gambling and game-boy culture, despite being assured by the Kangaroos five years ago that the club would develop her son's off-field education and skills.

She said no one from the club had told her when Hale dropped out of his university course after one semester because second semester exams clashed with the Kangaroos' end-of-season trip.

"I am distraught that my beautiful, loyal, loving and trustworthy son has been portrayed as a criminal," Yvonne said.

" . . . The president of his football club has stated that they are 'disappointed' with my son. Well, let me tell you that I am very disappointed in a club that promised me so much when they 'kidnapped' my son at the tender age of 17-and-a-half, just out of year 12."

Yvonne said that many mothers of young footballers agreed with her but would not publicly expose the social problems associated with the AFL system for fear of retribution.

...

"Most mothers feel if they speak up or speak out about the system, they're jeopardising their sons' careers," she said.

"It was said by the club's recruiting officer that the young boys would be either working or furthering their education. This is so, so far from the actual truth. The boys instead spend endless hours doing nothing productive at all.

"They obviously soon learn the fun of betting on the horses and anything else that will give them a bit of a rush and help fill in the endless down time hours that an AFL recruit is exposed to." (Realfooty, 21/2/2007)

Here at The Speccy, we've written extensively about the psychological dangers of "Playstation Syndrome", the appalling state of AFL player education and development and the broader issue of just paying them too damn much for doing too damn little. These pages chronicle several dozen incidents in the past couple of years involving some scandal, criminality or both arising from these systemic problems.

With AFL players in court every other week, it can hardly be a shock to AFL mothers that AFL culture is corrosive. What, then, is to be made of parents who sign over their teenaged boys (under 18) to the clubs? Surely, it must be apparent that the promises and razzle-dazzle offered by the clubs is pure lip-service? Like that from former Western Bulldogs and Port Adelaide coach, Peter Rohde (supposedly one of the best in the business in terms of looking after his players' wider interests):

During his tenure as coach of the Bulldogs, from mid-season 2002 to 2004 inclusive, he ordered his entire senior list to find jobs or enrol in courses, and any player failing to do so faced the match committee for disciplinary action.

He said it was a policy at Port Adelaide, and almost certainly at every other club, that players do their best to be employed or enrolled in a course of some kind.

"It's about thinking about something other than football in their spare time," Rohde said. "It is too easy for players to become addicted to PlayStations, and in some cases gambling.

...

"Some have nothing to do, and it is important for the players to be guided in the right direction.

"At Port Adelaide we try to guide the players as much as possible to help them use their idle time well, and prepare them for the workforce.

"The player also has to face the responsibility that there is life other than football.

"We believe at Port that it is not only our role to prepare young men for AFL football, but our responsibility to help give them their best chance in life.

"It is not easy for the clubs. We each take young players, some from interstate, and we consider their wellbeing outside of football is of paramount importance.

"It is important for their parents to know that. At the end of the day the responsibility rests with the players, and at Port we work hard to educate them to make the right choices." (Realfooty, 22/2/07)

So, what do we get for all these platitudes and bland motherhood statements? Where are the results? Did Dean Brogan graduate from these touchy-feely programs? This kind of rhetoric is all about fiddling at the edges while maintaining a steady stream of fresh meat into the clubs. If the clubs were serious, we'd see these expectations about off-field behaviours translate into on-field selection. Of course, that will never happen. Instead, we get more blather like this from Brendan Gale (chief shop steward for the players' union):

AFL players receive unprecedented levels of public support and they acknowledge that with public support, higher standards of behaviour are expected and a responsibility to act professionally.

There are few more accountable positions in Australia than that of AFL footballer. Pick up a newspaper and you're likely to read a story placing a footballer under intense scrutiny. Put in a bad game, whack. Make a minor error of judgement, whack. Nothing is off limits or deemed as too minor to not be worthy of comment and analysis. AFL football is a demanding, full-time, professional sport.

...

Last year 83 per cent of all players were either studying full or part-time at university or for professional qualifications, studying full or part-time at TAFE, or involved in a business or involved in part-time employment. All of this in addition to their full-time role as a professional footballer. (Realfooty, 22/2/2007)

Brendan, there's constantly AFL footy players in the papers getting scrutinised because many are heavily involved in criminality, including serious matters like bashings, drink-driving, rapes and drug abuse. Hell, what does it say when we see nine scandals over the Christmas period and Collingwood alone has four players in court in one month! Is this "scrutiny" really caused by them being AFL players? Or is it their (collectively) atrocious behaviour? I'd argue that the AFL instills attitudes and provides opportunities for criminality. Absent a properly functioning criminal justice system, bad press is the only (albeit weak) check on their behaviour.

At least Gale admits that around one in five players is barely "working" (ie training) for a just a couple of days a week (with several months a year off), without any outside commitments. When you couple this with the realisation that the other four players may just be enrolled in pointless, time-wasting, tailor-made short-courses (personal grooming for media 101) or artificial promotional jobs (signing footies for the kids), the extent of the problem becomes obvious. C'mon, Brendan, how many players are employed in real (non-footy but paying) jobs or undertaking serious (accredited) study? The fact the Hale's club scheduled their footy trip during uni exams speaks volumes.

Disturbingly, the AFL Players Association's own figures show the magnitude of the "chew 'em up, spit 'em out" mentality:

But football is fickle; according to the AFL players' association, the average career is only 43 games, and the chances of any one player reaching 50 games is just 29.3 per cent.

Only 14.8 per cent of players make it to 100 games and 6.8 per cent to 150, 2.7 per cent of drafted players will reach 200 games, while only one in every hundred draftees will play 250. Only 0.4 per cent of players ever reach the magical 300-game figure. (The Age, 23/2/2007)

But should we save all of our ire for the clubs that use up human beings like this? After all, parents and players must be going into it with eyes open. They must realise that for all the talk of opportunity, empowerment, development, tools etc that the bulk of footballers make lifelong sacrifices to their personal, social and economic development for the sake of a couple of seasons of professional football. A record high score on Medal of Honor and an intimate knowledge of the racing form will not prepare these young adults for a life outside footy.

I'd argue that, much like with politicians, we get the footballers we deserve. By and large, we're happy to put up with the fallout on society resulting from the toxic mix of commercial interests and tribalism that permeates the game. Parents are happy to see their sons offered up to feed the machine for a year or two. If we made our support of the clubs conditional on better behaviour, we'd get it. But until clubs stop fielding violent and lawless players (who happen to be good), we'll see the current low standards continue to spiral downwards.

Citations: Realfooty, 21/2/2007; Realfooty, 22/2/07; Realfooty, 22/2/2007; The Age, 23/2/2007

Word Count: 1610

Tags: footy, spoilt_rotten, scandals

Graceless Winners Ignore Kids

Sometimes a picture says a thousand words. This beautiful photo by Tim Carrafa was used in The Australian to highlight the selfish acts of some West Coast Eagles players on receiving their Premiership Medal in the 2006 Grand Final.

Little Kid Shunned By Triumphant Footy Hero

Source: Tim Carrafa in The Australian
Yeah, you're number one, alright.

Apparently, we shouldn't feel too bad for the kids publicly rejected in this way. Auskick coach and chief apologist Darrell Marr defends the brutish players:

"So it's no wonder a few of them forgot about the kids yesterday – they've got a premiership medallion, and they don't think of anything else, to be quite honest." (The Australian, 2/10/2006)

Sad, but true. The sooner the poor little tykes realise the massive, overwhelming importance of footy over any form of civility, the sooner they can adjust to living in Australian society.

Citations: The Australian, 2/10/2006

Word Count: 163

Tags: footy, spoilt_rotten

Pissy Tarrant Lashes Out At Media

A petulant Chris Tarrant (of the troubled Collingwood FC) has gone on the offensive after reading a less-than-flattering piece in The Australian about his legendary drinking binges. In a brave display of machismo, his manager even mentioned defamation action. Uh oh!

Many people were shocked to learn the Tarrant reads the broadsheets at all. More likely, he has a media monitoring service scouring the globe for references to himself, sending him clippings (Hi Mrs Tarrant, if you're reading!). Hell, along with police statements, these newspaper reports are probably the only way he can fill in those "missing hours" on weekends.

"What did you get up to on Saturday, Taz?"

"Dunno - let me just flick through mX ... Yeah, 'parrantly I was at Motel.".

The piece in question - extensively reproduced below due to the Murdoch press's reluctance to leave material online - certainly painted a picture of a "Rock and Roll Lifestyle":

TWO weeks after he was involved in a drunken brawl outside a Port Melbourne nightclub, Chris Tarrant was back at the bar. This time there was no fight and no police investigation.

Tarrant appeared to have trouble standing but didn't find trouble. As he stumbled on to the pavement outside to make his way home the only thing thumping was the music.

...

Tarrant left no later than 2am.

A few nights later, Tarrant was spotted at a Jet concert, drink in one hand, cigarette in the other. Whatever the lessons of Tarrant's infamous Pie fight with team-mate Ben Johnson, the out-of-form forward hasn't let it curb his rock 'n roll lifestyle.

When these instances are brought to the attention of Collingwood officials, you can hear their exasperation on the other end of the phone line. A part of them wants to know the latest Taz tale but mostly, they'd rather not.

Whatever Tarrant gets up to in his spare time is best kept between Tarrant and the barman. A remarkable Saturday night is when Tarrant heads home early; not when he stays out late.

...

Tarrant has played poorly for the past three weeks and tested the patience of his team-mates and coach.

He was fined $5000, as was Johnson, for involving himself in a car park brawl at 3am. He has been mooted for trade but does not accept that an AFL playing contract, alcohol and regular late nights make for a combustive mix. (The Australian, 18/8/2006)

Hardly character assassination, but enough to see hairy-chested talk of lawsuits bandied around. What really got Tarrant's entourage steamed was the allegation that Tarrant was at a Jet concert with a drink and smoke:

Tarrant's manager Paul Connors said the report was incorrect and the player was with him on the night he was alleged to have been at the concert.

"Quite frankly it is defamatory, unless there's a significant retraction and apology in the paper tomorrow we will be considering our legal position," Connors told radio station 3AW. (The Australian, 18/8/2006)

Really? Defamation action? Could they argue with a straight face that this actually worsened Tarrant's reputation in the eyes of the public? Rival broadsheet The Age noted:

Tarrant's manager Paul Connors demanded a retraction, saying the player had not even attended the concert and instead had been at his house for dinner that evening. The Australian ran a small correction yesterday, but it did not satisfy Connors. "We will be meeting with our lawyers on Monday, the apology fell short of what we expected," he said yesterday. (Psst, The Age, 20/8/2006)

I couldn't find any references to this "correction" or lodging of papers with the Victorian County Court, but I'll continue to keep an eye on developments.

Poor Chris. Under siege from all fronts. It must be tough being a massively wealthy, famous and worshipped young man with all that free time. That's why you need friends like Eddie McGuire to step up to bat for you:

... McGuire said the scrutiny on Tarrant, sidelined by shin splints, was "totally unfair".

...

"We understand that Collingwood sells papers ... I run a media company, I know what the attraction of Collingwood is.

"But it is unfair at times when the scrutiny goes onto these young men. While it's a big story for the media, big stories come and go ... but the football clubs and even their families have to deal with the aftermath of that and we have to be very careful that we don't push these highly strung young athletes at times too far." (The Australian, 19/8/2006)

Can we presume that "highly strung" is Eddie's codeword for "psychologically-damaged", "anti-social" and "mal-adjusted"? Eddie's all about making excuses for his footballers' behaviour, because they might win him a Premiership. What a shallow, avaricious little man.

Chris Tarrant also got much-needed support from the venerable silver-back of the Collingwood troop, Nathan Buckley. In a positive sign, Buckley conceded that the media scrutiny (perhaps including this website) was working:

Buckley confirmed the playing group had met this week and resolved to stay away from nightclubs until the end of the finals campaign.

"We needed to get together and reinforce the values of the team," he said.

"We needed to discuss how we were going to control the situations that are, by and large, out of our control, and that is the environment we found ourselves as a club and a playing group.

"Part of that is taking ourselves out of that environment.

"We discussed that and we hope not to have a continuation of what we have been seeing and reading."

He said the pressure and scrutiny on AFL footballers was intensifying every year.

"I just think it is a vicious cycle at the moment that I don't enjoy and I'm sure most of the other players don't enjoy," he said. (Herald-Sun, 20/8/2006)

Yeah, I bet they don't like the scrutiny. Remember back in the day, when players could enjoy a night out by getting shit-faced, going the biff in the carpark and then taking turns on a young woman in the toilets - and none of it got in the papers? Ahhh, memories ...

Of course, all of this talk of a ban on Collingwood players in nightclubs seems at odds with their decision to purchase The Beach nightclub in Albert Park, for $7 million (or 7 Buckleys, in Collingwood currency).

Gifted wordsmith and diarist Jonathan Green (of The Age) had dipped his quill in a particularly-vicious poison when he penned this barb-laden riposte:

The Collingwood Football Club did the only sensible thing for an organisation continually undermined by what seems to be a rabid culture of undisciplined binge drinking: it bought a pub. Faced with a playing list heavy with aggressive drunks and a running sore of bad publicity, the next step was obvious: bring the drinking and the brawling and the drunk-driving and the bitch-slapping in-house. Thus it was that the Pies forked out $7 million for their own Albert Park nightclub, The Beach.

It won't be long before fans, locals and club diehards alike can enjoy a quiet beer in the convivial surrounds of the 4am licensed Tarrant/Johnson Bar or treat the girlfriend to a bag of chips and a shandy in the Alan Didak Lounge. Pull up in the Cameron Cloke car park for one of the club's signature "Braindamage" nights or just dance away amid the flashing lights and flailing haymakers of the Dane Swan disco.

At the end of the evening why not use the free in-house phone to dial 1300-MIL-LANE for a lift home? It's a car-pool service run with an emphasis on speed and erratic lane changes by club legends Chad Morrison and Brodie Holland.

Football hasn't seen the like since North Melbourne — in a comparatively modest venture — unveiled the Wayne Carey toilet back in 2002. (The Age, 19/8/2006)

(NB: hyperlinks added by me, to ensure people "get" the references.)

Wow. I am in awe. I've been bagging footballers for 18 months, but it never occurred to me to publish Darren Millane jokes. I've long-enjoyed Green's prose, but he has now been elevated to genius status. I prostrate myself before The Master. Please, sir, can we have another?

Citations: The Australian, 18/8/2006; The Australian, 18/8/2006; The Australian, 19/8/2006; Herald-Sun, 20/8/2006; The Age, 19/8/2006

Word Count: 1421

Tags: footy, spoilt_rotten, media

Footy Stars Plus Traffic Equals ...

What is it with footballers that they refuse to accept that road rules apply to them too? Is it because they are arrogant, contemptuous, spoilt brats? Maybe it's their hard-wired need for thrill-seeking and risk-taking behaviour? Or is it simply that magistrates keep doling out laughable sentences, making a mockery of social expectations? We examine these questions in light of the latest round of traffic offences from AFL footballers.

Working in reverse chronological order, we have Mark Williams (of Hawthorn) sentenced today in the Melbourne Magistrates Courts (AFL Division):

[The Court] heard that police found Williams was driving whilst unlicensed after a cyclist rode into the back of his car in Burnley on October 25 last year.

A prosecutor said police checks found Williams' licence had been suspended for 12 months four months earlier, after he was issued with a traffic infringement notice for speeding.

Senior Constable Jo Leechman said Williams later admitted driving while licence suspended but denied knowing that his licence had been suspended.

She said that on April 11 this year, Williams sped away from police in Newport at a speed estimated to at 94kmh in a 50kmh zone. (The Age, 19/7/2006)

His defence team ran the "pillar of the community" line. Williams donated $3000 (less than a week's wages) to some underprivileged kids somewhere. He also did some "voluntary work" (signing footballs for an hour I bet). Oh, did I mention that he did all this good works after the incident and on the advice of the spin-doctors at his club? Speaks volumes about his character ...

So he's a reckless law-breaking idiot who gets caught, has his licence cancelled, then gets into another incident while driving unlicensed (and, presumably, uninsured), denies wrong-doing, covers it up with some spin-induced "good works", feigns ignorance of his own prior sentence ... what a disgrace. Still, you'd think the judiciary would react sternly after their prior orders were just flagrantly ignored - hey, they might love their footy but they have to protect their own authority, right?

Wrong. Quoth the article:

Williams was put on a 12-month undertaking with conditions that he undergo a road trauma awareness, pay $1500 to that course and not reoffend.

His licence was suspended for the minimum mandatory period of six months. (ibid)

So, he got the minimum penalty - only because it was mandatory - and a fine amounting to what he'll earn before the first quarter siren on Saturday. Oh, and he was told to not reoffend. I've wondered aloud before at magistrates using "now you have to obey the law" as a penalty. It's truly bizarre. What else? Perhaps the magistrate should have ordered Williams to "keep on breathing", "maintain your kidneys on or about your person at all times" and "comply with Newton's Third Law of Motion". Telling people who have already broken the law - including a restrictions imposed on them for breaking an earlier law! - to stop breaking the law (or we'll tell you again) is an exercise in futility. Magistrates aren't stupid, so why do they keep on doing it? I'm genuinely baffled.

"Softly, softly" was also the order of the day for another (former) AFL "hero" sentenced for blatantly ignoring traffic laws that are only for the rest of us - including ignoring an earlier court order to stop driving:

Corey McKernan was today fined $1000 for driving while disqualified and for using his mobile phone at the same time.

McKernan, 32, had lost his licence for six months for exceeding the prescribed alcohol limit last November, Melbourne Magistrates Court was told today.

Then on May 2 this year, police observed him in his car using his mobile phone while stopped at traffic lights in South Melbourne. (ibid)

That's right. Laws are for other people, not footballers. Presumably, the magical aura of legal exemption extends even after the playing career is over. To reinforce this new-found piece of jurisprudence, the magistrate suspended his sentence for just 14 days. That's right, a whole fortnight. (Wanna bet he'll still drive anyway? Hell, he's done it before!)

These cases of driving anyway after being told to stop (due to earlier infringements) sound familiar ... that's right! Brodie Holland did the same thing back in January! He even tried the old "I didn't know I was unlicensed" trick. Since then, we've seen Michael Gardiner's spectacular drunken self-destruction at the wheel of a hotted-up bogan-wagon, Chad Morrison hung out to dry by Collingwood for drink-driving and Ben Cousins doing a runner when confronted with a booze-bus. Let's not forget Jay Shulz and his very expensive drink-driving incident last year.

It's not enough that footballers get free priority taxis (only mugs queue and pay for cabs) - Sav Rocca had the right idea in getting chauffeur-driven by his own personal police car (with lights and sirens too, if you don't mind).

Yep, anyway you look at it, the normal rules of the road don't apply to these superstars. They can drink and drive. They can speed. They can drive unlicensed. They can get ferried around at others' expense. All safe in the knowledge that an over-awed judiciary will never, ever impose a penalty of any consequence.

Hell, I'm surprised that Melbourne's Commonwealth Games "exclusive Games lanes" weren't kept in place for the sole use of football players. Now there's an idea that the AFL Players' Association would get behind!

Citations: The Age, 19/7/2006

Word Count: 925

Tags: footy, court, spoilt_rotten, traffic

Gay Fan Site Cops Footballer Hate

The omnipresent AFL shop steward, Brendan Gale, has instructed his winged monkeys to send a nastygram to a footy fan site, ordering them to shut down their gallery. What sort of a business turns on its customers like that? Only one staffed by a bunch of arrogant, hate-filled and moronic spoilt brats.

The AFL Players' Association head Brendan Gale has been harassing the fan site Gay Footy since April, regarding its use of photographs of AFL players in undress or near-undress.

Bizarrely, Gale defended the gallery:

"The site is quite an informative site actually, with chat and a various array of features," Mr Gale told ABC radio today.

"One of the features is a gay footy picture gallery, and there were hundreds of footballers in various states, a lot of typical training shots, some with tops off.

"These are images that have probably already been on the public record and in no way were they offensive or inappropriate." (SMH, 29/6/2006)

Then what's the problem, Brendan? Rather than just "coming out" and saying what they really think, they dug up a legal-eagle prepared to bat for their team:

[L]egal services consultant Bernie Shinners said the photos were "of significant concern" to players. "Photographs that show a player in a socially embarrassing position such as in the showers and in various states of undress are defamatory . . ." he said. (The Age, 28/6/2006)

What a load of tosh. Even corporate law firm Minter Ellison (who make buckets of cash out of running defamation cases - hello if you're reading!) poo-pooed the notion:

Minter Ellison lawyer Cindy Christian said Australian courts did not recognise a right to privacy, and the issue of players being defamed by the website was "very questionable". (Ibid.)

The website in question made it clear that the fansite wasn't implying the featured players were gay with a disclaimer stating "Inclusion in this site does not imply sexual preference."

The AFL Players' Association has been at pains to state it's nothing to do with being a gay website at all; no, it's just players' privacy they're trying to protect. Brendan even went out on a limb stating that:

The association would have "absolutely" taken the same action against a straight-themed website, he said. (Ibid.)

Really? So I suppose fansites were women post pictures of semi-nude footballers and go "wow, he's hot", "yeah, I'd love to lick his abs" etc would get sent threatening legal letters too? Sites like this one and this one. Sites were the participants have names like Kim and Lisa and Lizzy and Emily and Jessy. The existence of such female-oriented sites demonstrably invalidates Brendan's claim of being even-handed.

Here's what I reckon is actually going on.

Step 1. Slightly dim footballers turn up to commercial photo shoots and allow candid shots to promote themselves as sex objects. Presumably, turning on the chicks with a few beefcake shots will help their post-footy career, earn them money somehow ... or have more, err, immediate benefits.

Case in point: The Candyman Brodie Holland, famed for being a multimedia-tart with oiled-up, pouting specials like this:


Broad Appeal: Brodie Holland Flaunts His Money-Maker
Source: www.mostbeautifulman.com


Step 2. Said footballers stumble onto the internet (or, more likely, a clueful friend points it out to them) and they realise that it's not just women "enjoying themselves" with these images. Uh oh!

Step 3. Gay panic sets in. They feel under threat and worry that their more blokey mates - already suspicious of their facials, group bondings and the extensive grooming of your modern metrosexual - might deem them actively homosexual unless they stridently act to remove the images.

Step 4. They get their union to "do something". Lawyers are brought in, nasty legal threats made. Double-standard results (since the footballers are quite happy for women to ogle the photos). Publicity machine kicks in to minimise damage. Largely docile and gay-hostile footballing-public secretly (or publicly) agree with hypocrisy, making PR flaks' job very easy.

To add fuel to the fire, the legal geniuses at the AFL Players' Association also asked for a photograph of a fully-clothed Western Bulldogs player holding his daughter on the field to be taken down.


Is this really gay porn?
Source:Western Bulldogs gallery

What are they saying? That gay people seeking photos of big hunky young men are necessarily also pedophiles who will derive sexual enjoyment from seeing clothed little girls? There's some very sinister reasoning going on here.

It's no secret that the AFL is a deeply-homophobic environment, where bigotry and infantile attitudes are ingrained. There are currently over 500 professional footballers. Many thousands have gone through its ranks in the past few decades. None have discussed their homosexuality. Of course, it could be that there weren't any. Or - much more plausible - the ones that are there have been frightened or pressured into staying silent.

How will the league move forward when blatant gay-hating double-standards like this go unchallenged? Where is the outrage and condemnation? The players need to get wise and accept that their appeal spans all flavours of human sexuality, or they should stop shamelessly promoting it to make a buck.

You can't have your (beef)cake and eat it, boys. Just grow up and get over yourselves.

Citations: SMH, 29/6/2006; The Age, 28/6/2006; or publicly

Word Count: 907

Tags: footy, spoilt_rotten, culture

Profile: Wayne Carey

Wayne Carey was a supremely-talented footballer who's off-field behaviour and character flaws saw him brought down like a modern, shabby Shakespearean tragedy. In this next instalment in the Speccy Profile series, we examine the life and times of Wayne Carey as more evidence for our case that being good at footy does not make you a good human being.

No one would deny that Wayne Carey in his heyday was like the Mike Tyson of Aussie Rules football: fast, strong, aggressive and blighted with a curiously high-pitched voice. He was born in Wagga Wagga in 1971 and began his footy career in South Australia before being picked up by North Melbourne. (Although hailing from NSW, Wayne was allowed to represent South Australia in the State of Origin on the grounds that, as King of the Westies, Adelaide was his spiritual home.) His family background suggests a genetic talent for football - despite one leg being longer than the other - and being a prick, with his nephew Kade Carey attracting all the wrong sort of attention.

Wayne played for the Kangaroos for most of career and despite being quite dim managed to rise to the rank of captain and secure a number of honours including club Best and Fairest and captaincy of the All-Australian team. (This hardly reflects well on the honours, does it?) His arrogance and abrasiveness meant that field umpires withheld crucial votes, ensuring he never won the game's highest honour, the Brownlow Medal.

Gormless Rooboy Caught in the Headlights
Source: Girl.com.au

Off-field, he was involved in the usual pub brawling and fighting associated with footballers. He also seemed strangely well-connected to Melbourne's underworld, giving character evidence at the trial of one high-profile (later slain) hitman, drug dealer and gangster (Melbourne Crime's dossier on Wayne makes for interesting reading.)

But it was with the ladies that Wayne Carey had the most problems. The first incident that saw him cop a high-profile guilty plea was back in 1996:

The assault occurred when Carey and a group of friends were walking down King Street after a night out [at 9am]. They approached the woman, who was with a female friend. Carey grabbed her breast and said, "Why don't you get a bigger set of tits?".

Carey's two footballer friends argued: "That sort of thing happens a hundred times a night in a night club. I'm not saying I condone it but ... I've seen how blokes act with women." The article later stated that the general view amongst Carey's colleagues was that he had been victimised by the media because he is a high profile football star.(Green Left Weekly, 19/2/1996)

Thanks to that special brand of justice reserved by Melbourne's magistrates for star footballers, he managed to avoid a sentence, or even a conviction! We can't help but wonder if this signal - that he can sexually assault women in broad daylight and get away with it - might not have contributed to what was to follow.

In March 2002, it became apparent to his club that Wayne was carrying on an affair with Kelli Stevens, the wife of his team-mate Anthony Stevens. Lurid rumours circulated that the pair were caught having sex in the toilets (a "dunny shag" in the vernacular) at a mutual friend's birthday party. Wayne was keen to set the record straight:

"No, there was definitely no sex in the toilet. The situation was in front of 120 people. I went to the toilet and, in front of all those people, Kelli walked in after me in front of her husband, in front of everyone there. Anthony waited for her to come out, which was a few seconds later, and the night was ended." (The Sydney Morning Herald, 28/12/2002)

At this point, the Roo Boys staged what amounted to a mutiny: either Carey (club captain) was out, or the team wouldn't take to the field. Management relented, and just like that, Wayne's career was over. He went from earning a reported $1.5 million dollars a year to being "on suicide watch" (as his manager, Ricky Nixon, famously stated) home at Wagga Wagga. The saga played out in the nations tabloids for months. Wayne, his wife Sally, Anthony and Kelli Stevens all helped boost circulation figures for various women's magazines with their contributions.

After this, Wayne tried (unsuccessfully) to re-launch his career in North America as a punter in the NFL. He mooched around for the rest of the year and signed up with the Adelaide Crows. Things didn't work out, and he only played 27 games for his new club. No doubt his new-found team-mates weren't thrilled at the prospect of having such a man in their midst. They came up with some sort of line about injuries and bundled him out of the game for good. The sad sack that he is, Wayne pathetically did free "volunteer" work at various clubs, fetching towels and the like, just to be near the action. Now his girly voice graces a little-watched football show on pay TV, providing monosyllabic sound bites (known as "special comments" in the trade).

It's difficult to convey the impact of the Carey-Stevens affair on the Melbourne psyche. It was the story of the year. As one talkback caller put it: "September 11th last year ... and now this." It was simply that big a deal. (Not sleeping around, mind you; but doing so with a team-mate's wife.) Wayne became "The Slogger from Wagga" (because of his predilicition for slogging it to other people's wives). He is still the butt of many jokes and remains a favourite target of cartoonists. Which is probably why many were not surprised at one comes next.

Almost unbelievably, Sally Carey put aside the shame, humiliation and advice from everyone and agreed to take the philandering Wayne back. What's more, they started a family. However, Wayne's true colours shone through when rumours of more infidelity were confirmed. Wayne admitted that his marriage was over while his wife was heavily-pregnant with their first child:

Carey confirmed the split in a statement yesterday as reports continued to surface about his friendship with model Kate Neilson, 24.
...
She and Carey live only minutes apart in Port Melbourne and have been seen visiting each other's homes. Carey went public on his marriage split yesterday after his father-in-law warned him to stay away.
...
A smiling Carey, 34, shrugged off the turmoil as he arrived in Darwin yesterday. The former Roos champion laughed off a warning by his father-in-law Terry McMahon that he would be "going out in a box" if he visited Mr McMahon's Wagga Wagga home where Sally was staying.

"It's all funny," Carey said. "Don't worry about it." (Herald-Sun, 24/6/2006)

Kate Neilson (pictured below) is what's known as a "Grid Girl". This means her job is to promote motorsports by appealing sexually to bogans. So good is she at making bogans aroused that she won a national competition - and attention from Wayne "The Bogan King" Carey.


Bogan-Bait
Source: Herald-Sun

What sort of a man gropes a woman in broad daylight and insults her for not pleasing him visually? What sort of a man shags his team-mate's wife? What sort of a man hangs out with killers and drug-dealers? What sort of a man cheats on his heavily-pregnant wife with bleached-blonde bogan-bait?

One of the greatest Aussie Rules Footballers ever, that's who. A washed up, hollow, balding failure of a human being at 34. A man remembered for the staggering price he paid for believing that he could do whatever he want. Truly, Wayne Carey is the quintessential footballer.

*** UPDATE ***
BREAKING NEWS: Reports are coming in that last night (Sunday) Wayne Carey was "maced" by police after they were called to a domestic disturbance at his Port Melbourne apartment. Details are sketchy, but The Age quotes a neighbour "It was Wayne all right. Look, I'm not gonna give too much away, but Wayne was in handcuffs and had been maced." The Hun reports that "Police took him to St Kilda police station about 8.30pm."

It appears at this stage that Carey called police to remove his girlfriend, Kate Neilson (pictured working as "grid girl" above). Police stated that a second woman was present, but no details yet to the sequence of arrivals to Carey's place.

It's too early to judge at this stage, since we don't yet know the ins and outs of it all. Recent events show that being capsicum sprayed by Victorian police does not necessarily mean one is extremely violent. Even accounting for "his rather magnanimously (sic) huge size", in the (somewhat unfortunate) words of Senior Constable Wilson.

We'll keep you posted as the story develops.

*** UPDATE ***
As promised, the gory details of Wayne Carey's Port Melbourne incident (including security footage), shock revelations of last year's Miami incident and breaking news of drug allegations at Carey's celebrity party are all covered in the write-up.

References

Wikipedia article on Wayne Carey's career.

Melbourne Crime - Dossier on Wayne Carey
"Kangaroo Caught" (Bulletin, 20/3/2002)

"The Media and Women's Rights" (Green Left Weekly, 19/2/1996)

"The Carey Affair" (Sydney Morning Herald, 28/12/2002)

Wayne Carey Jokes

Wayne Carey Cartoons

"Wayne Carey: It's Over With Wife Sally" (Herald-Sun, 24/2/2006)

"Wayne Carey Retires" (7.30 Report, 24/6/2004)

"Young Talent In The Ranks" (AFL Player Spectator, 25/01/2005)

"Footy Thugs Cop Soft Sentence" (AFL Player Spectator, 13/2/2006)

Word Count: 1424

Tags: footy, spoilt_rotten, scandals, underworld, sleaze